Presence of new girlfriend causes added pain for ex

Published 8:11 am Thursday, July 30, 2020

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years, “Kevin,” recently broke up with me. We’ve had problems in the past about me lying to him or withholding information. I didn’t lie because I’m an awful person. I lied because he had high expectations of me, and I didn’t want to be a disappointment. He is truly the first person I have loved unconditionally since the breakup with my child’s father five years ago.

Kevin and I are still friends — sometimes with benefits — but he has moved on to another woman. I’m heartbroken, and it has taken a toll on me. When I visited him the other day, I realized that she has practically moved in! She has her toiletries over there just like I did at one point.

I really want my boyfriend back! Kevin and I had talked about a life together, buying a house, taking trips, even getting married, the whole nine yards. But I’m worried this new woman will get the life with the man I love that I had been longing for for so long. What advice, if any, can you offer me? — LEFT BEHIND IN ALABAMA

DEAR LEFT BEHIND: I’m sorry to be the carrier of bad news, but it appears your ex-boyfriend is enjoying the benefits of being with two women, and you are getting your heart broken. It is time for you to move on because a new “chick” has all but moved into the nest you shared with Kevin.

One has to wonder if she is aware that he has a FWB in addition to her. (I am betting the answer is no.) And by the way, I have to wonder what kind of a man behaves the way you have described because he is not treating you or this new woman honestly.

In your next relationship, I hope you will realize that you are good enough just as you ARE, and there is no reason you must live up to anyone else’s expectations. That was your mistake this time around.

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 10 years (we own a house together) has just announced he feels he should move closer to his ailing mother. She lives about 250 miles away, a four-hour drive. Is this a thing? Do people do this? He did not ask me to move with him.

We live less than a mile from my own elderly mother, and I do dote on her. He knows I wouldn’t leave her. If he goes through with this, I’ll be heartbroken.

We have no mortgage. I can afford to stay in our house and — then what? Wait for him? Wait for his mother to die? I could visit him once in a while, but my job, my mom and our cats are here. There’s also my yard work. Do you think this could be his oddball way of breaking things off? — MISERABLE OVER THIS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MISERABLE: This could be your boyfriend’s attempt to end your relationship — or not. He may not have invited you to move with him because he understands how many obligations you have between your mother, your job, your pets and the upkeep of your home.

It’s time to ask him — calmly — how he views the implications of this move. Does he see it the same way you do? If his mom’s health improves, it could be years before he returns, if ever. Because you have invested a decade of your life with him, you deserve some straight answers, and the best way to get them is to remain calm and be direct.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)