Choosing the right mate

Published 8:41 am Friday, June 9, 2017


I wish that young and old alike would come to the realization that dating and eventual marriage is one of the most important decisions of your life. Marrying the right person, at the right time, for the right reason is paramount. Many people marry for convenience, others due to an unexpected and unplanned child. There are some who marry feeling they have fallen in love when in reality they are simply feeling the pangs and urges of the physical attraction that God placed within each of us. While there certainly must be a physical attraction to our proposed mate, this alone should never be our guide in choosing our perspective mate for life. The real question is who the right person is, and when is the right time and what are the right reasons.
One thing that should be kept in mind is the physical attraction we have towards the opposite sex. But this alone is a recipe for disaster. God helps us to understand that our mate is one that should help us to our desired eternity. This is possible if we hold ourselves and our future spouse to the same biblical standards. Consider the following:
Both should know who God regards as a good person. The psalmist said, “But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works” (Psalms 73:28 KJV). As a married couple or an individual we are to declare God, this is only possible if we draw to Him and trust in Him and His Word. According to Psalms 119:97, we should love God’s law and thus should our mate; His law should be the central focus in our lives. Those seeking a dating companion or spouse should heed the words of the apostle Paul in (1 Cor. 15:33). Paul reminds us that evil companions can corrupt us. How often have individuals thought they could influence a corrupt partner? This ideology is against God’s instructions and seldom works. However, I realize there are exceptions to the ordinary. But why would a Christian seeking to please God take the chance? It would be unwise.
Any Christian choosing a mate should first examine themselves making sure they are in a right relationship with God and living a spiritual life (Gal. 6:4). According to Paul in Romans 12:1, we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice. Choosing the wrong mate can make this task nearly impossible. In marriage, each partner supports the other, helping them to be what God wants them to be; in the best of situations this is often difficult. Therefore it is imperative that we start with a person who desires to serve God.
Christians should also regard Paul’s instruction in 1 Cor. 7:2. To avoid sexual immorality one should marry. However, we cannot do this to the exclusion of the other considerations in this article.
As we choose a mate, we must choose one that we can love as ourselves (Eph. 5:28). We must choose a mate that has and holds to the same standards and principles that we as Christians have and they must have the same goals in mind, particularly eternity with God (2 Cor. 6:14). Being unequally yoked is against the will of God. Paul asked what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness.
Proverbs 19:20 says, “Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days. There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless the LORD’s counsel — that will stand.” God has given us much to consider when choosing a mate. Will we listen to His counsel? Many wonderful people are suffering daily because they chose an unsaved person to be their spouse. One final thought, marriage is a foreshadow of the spiritual union Christians have with God. This should help us to see that marriage is a sacred union in the sight of God. So much more could be said but space constraints will not allow. Therefore, as you seek a mate, seek counsel from God and perhaps from an older and wiser Christian man or woman.
(Questions & Answers is provided by Tony Hoss, Associate Minister of Centerview Church of Christ, Elizabethton.)

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