By Brandon Young
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1995 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five ways to express and experience love as humans that Chapman calls “love languages”: gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch. According to Chapman, each person has a primary and a secondary love language. Let’s look briefly at each of these love languages.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up and encourage. Many individuals give and receive love verbally.
QUALITY TIME
By “quality time,” I mean giving someone your undivided attention, and doing what they enjoy doing.
RECEIVING GIFTS
Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought.
ACTS OF SERVICE
Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please by serving, to express your love by doing.
PHYSICAL TOUCH
We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, cuddled, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love.
When I look at the list above, I can easily see which of these languages appeal to me as a person, but have you ever wondered how God gives and receives love? God gave his son as a sacrifice for our sin, and Jesus was a gift given from God the Father to mankind. God definitely gives gifts as an expression of love, and he also serves us daily. He provides for us, and he makes sure our needs are met. I have never doubted the love God has for me nor mankind. He has shown his love by giving his Son to die, and by serving and providing me with what I need on a daily basis. I in turn want to show God my love and devotion to him, and I have sought to find how God receives love.
What is God’s love language? What does God find irresistible? The answers to these questions are found in the scriptures, and can be remembered by using the following acronym: FOG.
F: FAITH — Abraham lived by faith, and God noticed. When the Lord commanded Abraham to move to a land he did not know, Abe packed up and followed without a map, without any specifics, simply on the basis of a word, but not just any word, the Word of God. When the Lord spoke and told Abraham he and his wife would have a son, Abraham trusted. Once the miracle son came, however, God called Abraham to take Isaac to a mountain and there to sacrifice him, to give him back to God. It is impossible to please God without faith. We accepted Christ initially by grace through faith! We must believe upon him, and this belief automatically shows us his love. Oftentimes, we find ourselves living in doubt, and yet wanting to show God our love. God feels love when he knows we believe and trust in him to supply all our needs according to his riches, but we must remember that faith without works is dead and that brings us to the next point.
O: OBEDIENCE — God’s commandments are a manifestation of his love for us, and obedience to his commandments is an expression of our love for him. If we love God, we must keep his commandments. If we say we love him and will not keep his commandments, then we are liars according to the Bible. 1 John 5:3, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.” To love God is to obey God. When our faith is combined with obedience, God feels the full effect of our love. The greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbor as ourselves. What we do for others is what we are doing for Christ! We can believe and have all the faith in the world, but if that faith is not combined with good works it is dead. There is something special that happens in our relationship with God when we obey him in all things. There is a message sent that goes beyond the words we say in our prayers and the lyrics we sing in our songs. Something that shows a deeper trust that is authenticated by actions, and we begin to see and acknowledge the blessings of God in our lives.
G: GRATITUDE — When we acknowledge all God does for us, God, in return, feels our love for him. We are commanded by the scriptures to rejoice in all things, and to praise the Lord continually. God desires to be praised. Our praise is recognition of his goodness and his providence. He wants us to see and acknowledge what he does, and in doing so we are showing him our love. All ten lepers asked for a healing, but only one turned back to thank Jesus. It is this one that truly showed God love. I want to have a heart filled with thankfulness because I want the Lord to know that I love him and appreciate all that he does in my life.
In faith, obedience, and gratitude God receives our love. Often, we love and honor him with our lips, but our hearts are far from him. We must choose to believe again while obeying his every command with a heart filled with gratitude, and in do so, we are speaking the love language of God!