Son won’t accept Mom’s new relationship with old friend

Published 2:17 pm Thursday, April 16, 2020

DEAR ABBY: I was married for more than 20 years and am recently divorced. I should have done it years ago, but my son, “Nicky,” begged me not to. He’s 22.
I am now dating a gentleman, “Clyde,” and am very happy to be in this relationship. Clyde treats me like a queen. I have known him longer than I’ve known my ex-husband. He and his family (including his ex-wife) are close friends.
Before we started dating, Clyde called my ex, told him we were going to start seeing each other and that he wanted my ex to hear it from him, not through the rumor mill. My ex said he was fine with it and thanked him for letting him know.
We then informed Clyde’s kids and my son. Everyone was fine with it except Nicky. He’s upset that we started dating three months after my divorce. Mind you, my marriage to Nicky’s father was over years ago. Clyde had nothing to do with it. Now my son has an “attitude” with Clyde. He hardly speaks to him and never spends time with us.
I have always been there for Nicky. His actions hurt. He can’t seem to accept that I’m happy and that Clyde and I are more than friends now. Before we started dating, Nicky and Clyde had a good relationship. How do I get my son to come around? — SECOND CHANCE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR SECOND CHANCE: Nicky may be hoping that you and his father might one day reconcile and regard Clyde as an interloper. Explain to him that the divorce may seem recent to him, but for you and his dad, it was the final step in disengaging from a marriage that had been over for years. Tell him you love him and are sorry he is upset, but it’s no excuse for treating Clyde badly, and you expect him to treat Clyde with respect, if not affection. Then go on and enjoy your life because you deserve it.
DEAR ABBY: My children attend a school where they are in three different buildings. One is in high school, one in middle school and the youngest is in elementary. Recently, the married elementary school principal had an affair with a married teacher’s assistant. A few years before, the married middle school principal had an affair with a married teacher.
My concern is that the administration knows this but does nothing about it. I have addressed them with my concerns. I believe there was an abuse of power. If they are willing to sweep this under the rug, what else have they swept? Should I mind my own business or pursue the issue further? — MOM ON PATROL IN NEW YORK
DEAR MOM: Because of the litigious environment we live in, many businesses and educational institutions have policies that discourage fraternization. What you consider an abuse of power may be a relationship between consenting adults. You say you have brought this to the attention of school administration. I think you have done enough. From now on, stay out of this unless you have absolute proof there is coercion involved.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.comor P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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