Granddaughter wants wedding with no family in attendance

Published 2:13 pm Saturday, June 13, 2020

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DEAR ABBY: Our first granddaughter is getting married in six months and has told her parents that no one from either family is invited to the wedding. They want to get married by themselves because they are both shy and don’t want to be the center of attention.
At first I was OK with it, but the more I thought about it, the more hurt I felt. The confusing part about this is she wants a pre-wedding party for both families to attend. So I asked her to keep an open mind and think about having the party right after the marriage ceremony. Now she won’t talk to me! Was I wrong to suggest an idea? My husband is now saying he doesn’t want to attend any party they will have.
I can’t stop thinking about our daughter and how she feels about not being able to see her daughter get married. I’m afraid I may have made things worse, and I’m very depressed. I just want to fix it so everyone is happy. Help! — DEPRESSED IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR DEPRESSED: So you have appointed yourself the official family fixer? Your “shy” granddaughter and her fiancé appear to be confirmed introverts. If they prefer to take their vows privately, it’s their privilege, and you shouldn’t personalize it. That was your mistake.
While I don’t think you have committed a cardinal sin and do think your granddaughter overreacted, you shouldn’t feel the need to mend any fences. As to how your daughter will feel about not seeing her daughter get married, that is not your problem. Take a step back and let the bride and groom celebrate their day as they wish.
P.S. I find it odd the bride and groom would want ANY party, feeling the way they do about the ceremony.
DEAR ABBY: Why do people feel compelled to ask if my dog was adopted or rescued? I have wanted a dog for at least five years. Because I was in nursing school, I waited until I graduated, and then my partner and I researched extensively.
While I love the idea of adopting, sheltering or rescuing, we wanted a purebred German shepherd puppy. My son and I both have mental health issues, and our dog has been a huge help and an antidepressant all in one.
It is unfair that people ask these questions, or have the audacity to make faces and comments when I say no. I have neither the desire nor the capacity to mend or train a potentially broken dog. How I got her is no one’s business but ours and our vet’s.
The best response I have heard when someone asks if a dog is adopted or rescued is, “No, she’s biological.” I’ve used it only once, but it got my point across. Please remind your readers that asking these questions is rude. — MYOB IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR MYOB: I’m willing to remind them, but whether they’ll pay attention is anyone’s guess. What these people are doing is expressing the idea that animals who are in need of a good home should take priority. That said, there is nothing wrong with having a purebred animal if that is your preference.
P.S. I hear a lot lately about people adopting dogs during this quarantine period because they are desperate for company. I sincerely hope the animals will not be forgotten or discarded once the quarantine is lifted and folks return to their (somewhat) normal lives.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.comor P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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