Unhappy wife wants out of marriage to a good man

Published 12:52 pm Monday, October 5, 2020

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DEAR ABBY: I’m 54 and afraid to tell my spouse I want a divorce even though I’m in an unhappy marriage. I told him years ago that I no longer loved him and didn’t want to be married anymore. His reply, “I have enough love for both of us.”
This year will be our 15th together. I am spouse No. 3. I think he thinks that if there isn’t another person I’m in love with that we can continue like this. I feel it’s just time for me, and I’m tired of always being somebody’s something. I have thought of moving out, but money is an issue, and I have nowhere to go. I hate confrontations, and he is a good man, but I am truly beginning to hate him. Any advice? — MISERABLE IN THE EAST

DEAR MISERABLE: Just a word of caution: The grass is not always greener on the other side of that fence. However, because you feel that remaining with your husband is intolerable, begin planning your exit. Line up a job and a place you can afford in which to live. Upgrade your marketable skills, if necessary.
Remember, your husband has been through this before, so he is a veteran at divorce. Before making ANY more announcements, discuss this with an attorney so you can protect yourself.
DEAR ABBY: I’m at a total loss, heartbroken and need some advice. My husband and I are both over 60 and have been married for 20 years. He has this insane idea that I have a diary. Abby, I don’t have a diary. I have never had one, and I don’t plan on ever having one.
Short of taking a polygraph test, I can’t convince him to believe me. He told me that unless I let him review my diary, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore! He has completely stopped communicating with me. I hurt so bad I can hardly stand it. — ALL CRIED OUT

DEAR ALL CRIED OUT: Your letter is a first. Is your husband losing it? Is he on medications that have altered his mental abilities? His fixation and insecurities are off the chart.
You do not have to tolerate his passive aggression. The first thing you need to do is talk with his doctor about what has been going on. Your husband may need a physical and psychological evaluation. Please don’t wait.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to get some feedback on my soon-to-be-empty nest. Our last dog is approaching 18 years old, and I would like to adopt another cat or dog. My husband wants to wait at least a year with no pets in the house before possibly considering getting another animal. I grew up with pets and can’t imagine what it would be like without one. What to do? — ANIMAL LOVER IN FLORIDA

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DEAR LOVER: With an open mind, discuss this further with your husband. You need to understand his reasons for feeling the way he does about this. As you already know, a fur baby is a serious responsibility, and when the quarantine ends and things return to normal, he may want the two of you to travel. Because you have had your sweet dog for so many years, slow down. Both partners should be onboard with the timing for adding a pet to the household.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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