Nightly dinner with sister is too much togetherness

Published 10:37 am Monday, October 12, 2020

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DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and live with my parents. My 28-year-old sister lives in a condo about 10 minutes away. She just graduated from school and moved back here, which means she doesn’t have many friends in the city.
For the last five months, she has been coming over for dinner like clockwork every day and every weekend. I’m still finding ways to be social during quarantine, but my sister doesn’t seem able to find other means to meet people. Seeing this much of her is, well, too much.
She demands attention, practically forces us to entertain her and gets upset when the dinner my parents are cooking doesn’t meet her specifications. At her age, spending this much time with your parents seems, quite frankly, unhealthy. I’m scared to bring it up because she’s hypersensitive. How do I avoid another several months of lockdown with a person who doesn’t even live with me? — OVERWHELMED IN OREGON

DEAR OVERWHELMED: This isn’t a subject you should address with your sister, but is something to discuss privately with your parents. Whether to draw the line and encourage your sister to become less dependent is something they might want to consider.
When her company becomes more than you can handle, excuse yourself, go to your room and avail yourself of your other ways to be social by firing up your computer and visiting with friends. It would also be a kindness for you to suggest ways she, too, can network with people in her field or who have some common interests.
DEAR ABBY: Every day when my husband comes home, he takes off his shoes to relax. He works hard outdoors more than 10 hours daily. His feet smell horrible — unbearable to be around. We have tried insoles, baking soda, foot sprays and even health checks, which helped but didn’t get rid of the problem.
He gets offended when I ask him to change his socks and wash his feet. To him I’m out of line to continually point it out. But I can’t even sit in the same room with him. Help! — STINKING TIRED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STINKING TIRED: There is a name for your husband’s very common medical condition: It’s bromodosis, and it is fixable. It’s the result of sweat and the growth of bacteria and possibly fungus.
Your husband should discuss this again with his doctor. Directions for treating his condition are also available online, but they are longer than my column can accommodate. Doing a search on would be a good place to start. He should also carry an extra pair of shoes and socks and change them in the course of the workday. Let’s hope that from now on your husband will put his best foot forward.
DEAR ABBY: I want to donate to organizations that do good work. My question is, where can I find out which charities put all of the donations toward their cause rather than to staff and fundraising? I read years ago that a well-known charity paid an exorbitant salary to the person in charge, who was already wealthy. — GIVING IN NEW JERSEY

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DEAR GIVING: Go online and search Charity Navigator. It’s the largest evaluator of charities in the United States and provides reliable data on more than 1.8 million charities and nonprofits. Many people use it to gauge how their contributions will be spent before they donate, and sometimes that information is a real eye-opener.
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