Chill in the air is the source of heated household debate

Published 3:29 pm Monday, December 7, 2020

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old woman, about to be married for the second time. My fiance lives with me and my two children from my previous marriage. 
Other than cooking breakfast and some quick snacks, he does not contribute to the household. My issue is, I pay all the bills, and he complains about the temperature inside my home. My children and I need it to be cooler. If it’s too hot, we sweat and become congested, which we hate, and it makes us irritable. I tell him to put on more clothes if he is cold, but he complains to the point that I turn off the fans and air. 
My question is, don’t I have a right to be comfortable in the home I pay for? He doesn’t pay, so he should adjust to our climate. Right? — HOT & FRUSTRATED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HOT & FRUSTRATED: The answers to your questions are yes and yes. And your fiance — not you — should invest in a portable heater, which may solve his problem.
P.S. Are you ABSOLUTELY sure you want to be married to this prize? Nowhere in your letter did you say you love this person. Not once did you mention his endearing qualities. Frankly, from your description, he seems like a third child. 
DEAR ABBY: My dad passed away 25 years ago when I was barely a teen. My boyfriend proposed in March, and we are planning our nuptials next fall. 
As a girl, I dreamed my dad would walk me down the aisle. I would now like my uncle to step in and fill that role. He has a daughter who is older than I am. She has been married for many years. Out of respect, I would like to ask her if she’s OK with my asking her father. I’m pretty sure she won’t mind, but I feel asking her is the right thing to do. I’m unsure how to go about it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. — MARRYING IN MAINE
DEAR MARRYING: Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials. What you are considering is not unusual and, frankly, it’s a great compliment to your uncle. I think your idea of running it by your cousin is sensitive as well as prudent. The discussion would be more loving and productive if you conduct it in person or by phone rather than a text or email. I can see no reason why she shouldn’t be thrilled for you and her dad.
DEAR ABBY: I have a job I love. My co-workers are nice, but once I punch out at the end of the day, I want to forget them. I believe that’s how it should be, but some of them try to arrange meet-ups after work to hang out. Or they insist on becoming my friend on social media. I don’t consider them social friends, and I don’t think they need to know the details of my private life. Is there a nice way to tell these people to back off a little because we only work together? — NINE TO FIVE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NINE TO FIVE: When you are invited to hang out after work, explain that you have things you need to do or previous commitments. And as for sharing your personal information with them online, all you have to say is that you prefer to keep your business and personal lives separate.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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