Adult daughter is annoyed by her father’s playful pats
Published 8:26 am Wednesday, February 17, 2021
DEAR ABBY: I am 20-something years old, and my father still hits my behind sometimes. I feel it is inappropriate, but the last time I complained about it, several years ago, it didn’t go over well. It also didn’t stop his behavior. What else can I do?
Right now all I can do is try not to place myself in a position where my behind is exposed. I no longer walk in front of him or wear leggings, and I wear oversized jackets to cover it. I’m a modest dresser. I’m not provocative. Did people back in the day normally “playfully” hit their adult daughters’ behinds? — INAPPROPRIATE IN IDAHO
DEAR INAPPROPRIATE: No, they did not. Your daddy is acting like a dirty old man. His behavior may seem “playful” to him, but to persist after you asked him not to is not only inappropriate but also somewhat creepy.
You are an adult. No one has a right to hit, swat or put his hands on you regardless of how he claims it’s intended. Tell him again that you don’t like it and it makes you uncomfortable, and if he persists, he will see far less of his daughter.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I grew up in very conservative households. Since college (where we met) and moving to a large city, we have become more liberal. We have friends of other races with whom we are very close, but both of our families frequently post inflammatory and offensive, racially biased comments on social media. Do we have a duty because of our beliefs and our friends to publicly object to their posts? We have previously discussed our differences with these family members, and we don’t see eye to eye. — DIFFERENT NOW IN TEXAS
DEAR DIFFERENT: Because you have already discussed your differences privately with these relatives, feel free to post your reaction to the offensive posts. They won’t like you for it, and the rest of the tribe may gang up on you, but you and your husband will be able to look at yourselves in the mirror knowing you spoke aloud your truth.
DEAR ABBY: My wife of nine years has been faking a disability for seven of them. Yes, she was injured. However, I and many others are not convinced she’s in chronic pain. She doesn’t take her medication, and she functions like she did before her injury. This has had a detrimental effect on my life as well as our sons’ because we have to live with her lies. When confronted, she denies it, and so does her family. — STUCK IN THE LIE
DEAR STUCK: Your wife should be examined by a pain management specialist. Whether she’s in physical pain, psychological pain or faking can be determined by a medical doctor and possibly a licensed therapist who understands PTSD, depending upon how she was injured. For your sake, your sons’ and hers, you owe it to yourselves to find out what the cause is.
Of course, this suggestion depends on your wife agreeing to the examination. If you are correct in your suspicions, you may want to rethink whether this is how you want to live the rest of your life.
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