Promising relationship falls victim to miscommunication
Published 8:59 am Monday, March 22, 2021
DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, I met a lady I will call Amber. We were instantly attracted to each other. The first date went well, and we reached first base (kissing). On the second date, we reached second base (fondling). On the third date, which was also going well, after I finished paying the check for dinner, I asked her if she wanted to continue where we had left off. Amber said no. I was fine with it.
Later that night, when we spoke over the phone, I pointed out, nicely, that she did not even say thank you for dinner, and Amber got offended. I decided to end things after that phone call. I felt she was being disrespectful of my feelings by not listening to what I was saying.
Fast-forward: Her birthday is in two weeks, and I don’t know if I should bury the hatchet by dropping her a Happy Birthday text that day because I really did overall like her. — BRAND-NEW IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR BRAND-NEW: Amber may have become offended when, after she declined to proceed with further intimacy, you told her she “hadn’t even” thanked you for the dinner. When I read that line, for a moment I wondered if you equated the two and had expected that after buying her dinner you were guaranteed sexual favors in return. The two of you have a significant communication deficit. Contact her again only if you are willing to acknowledge that fact and hope she is willing to work on it with you.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently found out we’re expecting our first child. We have been married for five years, and while we are still fairly young, this has been a long time in coming. For both of our families, this will be the first grandchild.
My brother is getting married next month. We live in a different state but plan to fly home for the wedding. My husband says we cannot tell our families about the pregnancy on this trip because we don’t want to “overshadow the happy weekend with additional good news.” This means we would need to tell them over video chat (not in person), since going home for a separate trip is not an option due to COVID.
While I see his point and certainly don’t want to overshadow the wedding, I don’t see why we can’t tell them a few days before the wedding so that it’s in person and I won’t have to answer a bunch of questions from close family about why I’m not drinking at the wedding. My brother’s fiancee and I do not get along, and I’m not in the wedding party (if that makes a difference). Please advise. — ANONYMOUS MOM-TO-BE
DEAR MOM-TO-BE: I am voting with your husband. Do not upstage your brother and his bride-to-be, tempting as it may be. To do otherwise will take the spotlight off the happy couple and aim it directly at your belly. While this might seem like a welcome opportunity to stick your finger in the eye of a woman you dislike, keep in mind that in a short time she will be family and impossible to avoid. The less friction the better.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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