Mother can’t stand daughter’s girlfriend

Published 1:02 pm Wednesday, June 9, 2021

DEAR ABBY: My college senior daughter, “Lisa,” insists on inviting her “significant other” to every holiday and to our home when she’s on break. This is Lisa’s first girl/girl romance, and she thinks she’s in love.
 This girlfriend has zero personality and adds nothing to our family dynamic. None of us can stand her. How can I nicely explain to my daughter that although she feels one way, we feel another? She honestly thinks she’s going to marry this girl and is VERY pushy when it comes to inviting her wherever we are. Also, this girlfriend is only going into her junior year. She has two more years of school left. Once Lisa graduates this year, she will be five hours from the girlfriend.
 She makes my daughter very weird and not in a good way. I’m praying this relationship will end after she graduates. It’s horrible. If the girl isn’t with her, Lisa calls her 10 times a day. Help! — MOM KNOWS BETTER IN NEW JERSEY
  DEAR MOM: Be patient. Because of the circumstances you mentioned in your letter, there is a good chance your daughter’s fixation on her “first love” will lessen. I assume that when she returns from college she will be socializing with other people. Cross your fingers and gently encourage it, because it may give her a different perspective. Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder.
 DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 18 years (married for 14). He has recently been hanging around a female friend who supposedly made a move on him while I was away, but he said he turned her down. He sends her private messages, looks her up on social media and “likes” every photo she puts up. Most of them are sexy. Now he wants to try new things in the bedroom. Should I be concerned? I have an uneasy feeling about this.
 When I told him I was going to confront her, he got upset with me. He has deleted messages because he said he didn’t want me to get the wrong idea if I read them. I’m not sure how I should be feeling about this whole thing. — SOMETHING’S UP IN NEW YORK
 DEAR SOMETHING’S UP: Right now you should be “feeling” your husband’s relationship with this female “friend” is a threat. There’s nothing innocent about deleting conversations that he knows would give you the “wrong” idea. His preoccupation with the sexy photos she is posting is hardly reassuring, and that he suddenly wants to try “new things” in the bedroom is a huge red flag in light of what else is going on.
 Quietly talk to a lawyer about what your options are as a wife of 14 years in New York, gather as much financial information as you can, and then raise holy heck with your husband. You have a right to be upset.
 DEAR ABBY: I have been with this man for more than 20 years and we still haven’t tied the knot. When I told him that because I’m not his wife, I’m not willing to do wifely duties anymore, he got really upset. Do you think I should give him an ultimatum? — ON HOLD IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ON HOLD: I think you already have!
 Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
 Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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