Woman tries to balance life with two mothers

Published 8:19 am Tuesday, November 30, 2021

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DEAR ABBY: I have two mothers: my biological mother and Mom, who raised me. I share everything with Mom — my hopes, dreams, fears and everything in between. My biological mother and I are not as close. We never have been. I don’t have a single good childhood memory with her in it.
Lately, my bio mother has been extremely jealous of my relationship with Mom, even though she has never done anything to facilitate the same relationship with me. She’s pushy and constantly oversteps boundaries. Because of this, when I found out I was pregnant, I chose not to tell her.
I’m now 36 weeks pregnant, and someone adjacent to my inner circle has informed her of my pregnancy and due date. She contacted my family FUMING about my not telling her, insisting she had a “right” to know. I feel this is her, once again, feeling entitled to my life and trying to treat me as property. I do not feel she is entitled to any details about my life. Am I wrong? — GUARDED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GUARDED: You are not wrong, and I can see why you are feeling invaded. You are entitled to privacy if you want it. Your birth mother is “entitled” only to those details of your life you are willing to share with her. (When DID you intend to share the happy news with her? After the birth?) You may need to distance yourself from the person who gave your birth mother the news if you want to avoid similar breaches in the future.
DEAR ABBY: I’m writing about “Anxious About Alcohol in Georgia” (Aug. 30), the teen who was torn between his parents’ views on alcohol as he prepares for his first year of college. In Colorado, Georgia and many other states, minors ARE prohibited from possessing and drinking alcohol — with an important exception. That is, doing it in the presence of and under the supervision of their parents in their home.
I’m not condoning reckless behavior, but when I was growing up, my parents let us try beer and wine at an early age. It was pretty strong, and we didn’t like it. We were never encouraged to get drunk or use it in excess. But we learned about it, tasted it and understood the good and bad when dealing with alcohol. I believe this is why my sisters and I never had issues. We have always been responsible, and I’m convinced this is a responsible way to introduce alcohol to a minor.
We gain knowledge through experience. Having that experience in a safe environment with the proper guidance and supervision is a must. Better to learn with a responsible parent than a frat brother you just met. Agree? — ALLAN IN COLORADO

DEAR ALLAN: Yes, I do. And thank you for pointing out that provision in the law. Many other readers echoed your sentiments about demystifying the allure of alcohol by introducing it in the home under parental supervision. It could prevent some young people from going wild the minute they reach the campus.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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