Boyfriend’s true colors emerge after he moves in

Published 9:31 am Monday, June 13, 2022

DEAR ABBY: I was married for 16 years and am finalizing the divorce. I decided to start dating again and found a really nice guy with a wonderful personality. I’m attracted to him, although I never thought I would love again. He’s my age and has a kid. We talked for six months — after which he moved in. We have been living together for more than a year now.
Things were perfect until I found out he has been talking sexually to other women online and met two women during our relationship. He insists they are just friends and nothing more. Now he’s saying I’m not his girlfriend and never have been. What am I then? I asked one of his friends, and they told me he is sexual with all women. “He is just a playful guy.”
When I told him I knew he had kissed one of them, he said it was because he just wanted to know if anything was there. I have never done that to anyone. He lied about meeting the girls and about being on a dating site, and he’s still sexting. I fell in love with him, but he doesn’t say it back to me.
Should we separate and just be friends or try to work on the relationship? He told me that his whole life women ghost him or go back to their exes. He has been hurt by a lot of them. I need advice. — LET DOWN IN ARKANSAS

DEAR LET DOWN: Your roommate is not a “nice guy.” He’s a player who hasn’t been honest with you. Be glad his friend clued you in to what has really been going on while he has been living with you.
Because you know he’s a player, make an appointment with your doctor to be tested for STDs. Then tell him the games are over and you want him out of your place immediately. You are too emotional right now to remain friends with him, and once you get your head on straight and recognize him for who he really is, you will no longer WANT to be.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years. He was married for 27 years to a woman who died six months before we met. He has an adult stepdaughter he raised and considers his daughter. He has biological children with whom I have a good relationship, and they like me. However, the stepdaughter doesn’t like me at all and she’s very rude to me.
His family invites her to family functions all the time. My husband keeps saying to give her a break because her mother died. I have never been anything but nice to her. My husband and I argue constantly about her. I have asked not to be around her. Is it rude of me not to go to his family function if she’s going to be there? She makes it very uncomfortable for me. — BOTHERED IN GEORGIA

DEAR BOTHERED: Do not cut off your nose to spite your face. Go to the family functions. Say hello to her but, after that, avoid her as much as possible. If she is overtly rude, call her on it. You do not have to tolerate being abused, and you should not be expected to.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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