Couple mending relationship eye speed bump on the path

Published 9:15 am Monday, September 12, 2022

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend, “Mack,” for about 25 years. Eleven years ago we became more like roommates. I asked him to go to couples counseling, but he adamantly refused. He said, “If you don’t like it, find someone else.”
Long story short, I began an affair with an acquaintance of ours. After a short time, the affair came to light and Mack agreed to couples counseling, which was very helpful. I cut off all contact with the other man and any social contacts he and his wife were involved with. Mack and I slowly made new friends, and our relationship is stronger than ever.
The problem is, we have been invited to a wedding of the son of some very dear friends (who came to my son’s wedding last month), BUT the other man and his wife will also be attending. Mack refuses to go to the wedding or allow me to go. What do you think? — BACK ON TRACK IN NEW YORK

DEAR BACK: I think it’s regrettable that your partner is unwilling or unable to face your former lover and his wife, be cordial for a couple of hours and concentrate on the celebration. But that’s the way it is. Send a gift for the bride and groom and stay home.
DEAR ABBY: I usually don’t let things bother me, but I sent my phone number about a week ago (via Messenger) to several friends I have known most, if not all, of my life. Due to various circumstances, until recently I hadn’t seen them in a long time. Everyone received it; not a single one sent me back theirs. I thought our reconnecting went well. I know several of them stay in touch with each other. I’m not sure how to feel about this other than a bit rejected. — WONDERING IN TEXAS

DEAR WONDERING: While you were separated from these friends (due to various circumstances) it’s possible that circumstances may have changed in their lives, too. Rather than conclude their lack of reaction is rejection, consider that their lives may have gone in different directions, and they may be too busy to rekindle your relationship on the basis that it was before. Because you can’t change the way they behave, change the way you react to it and concentrate on the present.
DEAR ABBY: I dream about many things. I have dreams about school, in which I’m either a student or the parent of one (and in some cases, both simultaneously). I have recurring dreams about certain houses, stores and locations. I also dream about my children when they were growing up or other people from my past. The only person I never dream about is my husband of 43 years. Should I be concerned about this? — IN DREAMLAND OUT WEST

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DEAR IN DREAMLAND: No. From what you have written, your dreams appear to be centered on the past. Your husband is still in the present. Enjoy your sleep and be grateful for it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)