Daughter returns to nest, refuses to live in reality

Published 8:21 am Friday, March 31, 2023

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DEAR ABBY: My 28-year-old daughter moved back home when COVID hit. She works as an influencer and also has a part-time job as a content creator. She doesn’t pay bills. My husband doesn’t want her to pay rent, etc. I feel it’s important for her to do so. She does pay for her groceries and gas.
She stays in her room day and night. She used to go out with friends, but now doesn’t do anything. She says she has cyber friends. We have asked her to come out with us at times, but she refuses. Another problem is, she hasn’t gone to the doctor or dentist in a very long time. I talked with her about it, and she blamed me for not taking her. I offered to go with her, but she doesn’t do anything about it.
My husband doesn’t think there is a problem, but I feel there is. I feel we have enabled her, although we didn’t mean to. Should we be charging her rent? How do we get her to become more social? How do we get her the right help so she can move forward in life? – CONCERNED MOM IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: A step in the right direction would be for your husband to take his head out of the sand and admit that his daughter may have a problem. The next step would be to have a frank talk with her and tell her that if she is going to continue living with you, she must agree to have medical and dental checkups. Go with her so you can understand what is going on, because your daughter appears to have some emotional issues. Her “world” may be on the web, but unless she can find one on terra firma, expect her to be under your roof forever.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in a relationship with my partner (we’re both male) for more than four years. He argues nonstop about everything from politics to why the squirrel outside ran across the street. Daily, I hear him complain about everything, from the news to the grocery list, laundry, you name it.
A friend of mine will be in town this weekend. He invited my partner and me to a football game. When I shared this with my partner, he immediately declined, complained about the invite and said he’d rather stay home. I’ve had it up to here with his negativity, and I have decided to end this relationship.
I’m not happy with this, and I have decided that if my out-of-town friend wants me to start a new life with him, I would be all for it. I’d rather be happy and not have to deal with this. Life is too short. Your thoughts? – DONE WITH IT IN COLORADO

DEAR DONE: If you are not happy with your partner, level with him about it. If counseling would improve things, see if he’s willing to give it a try. If not, consult an attorney who specializes in family law and proceed with ending the union.
A word of caution, however, and I cannot stress this too strongly: You implied that you would like to be romantically involved with the friend who invited you to that football game. JUMPING INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP BEFORE YOU HAVE RECOVERED FROM THIS ONE WOULD BE A HUGE MISTAKE. Give yourself time to detoxify. Meet people. Date around. You will have plenty of fun if you do, and less of a chance for another failed relationship.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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