Diminishing sex life calls for increasing communication

Published 8:15 am Wednesday, August 9, 2023

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s and have been together six years. He’s a great boyfriend, and I’m happy in every way except one. Since we moved in together a year and a half ago, our sex life has dwindled down to practically zero. Sometimes we go months without it. We are busy with work and school, but I’m not sure if that’s just an excuse. I know it’s partly my fault because I should also take the initiative and not be lazy. I’m wondering if we’re just not right for each other. Aren’t the 20s supposed to be a time of sexual fun and frequency? Or does it even matter? Maybe we’re just different from the norm? – CONFOUNDED IN CANADA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: If you haven’t been talking with your boyfriend about this, you should be. At your age, it is unusual for partners to go for months at a time without having sex. Perhaps before you moved in together, sex was sexier because you weren’t together as often. But the bottom line is, if you’re not happy with the relationship as it is, it needs to be brought out into the open so it can be dealt with as a couple.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 20-year-old female in a situationship with a 46-year-old married man. He tells me he’s going to leave his wife when his daughter graduates, which is in two months. He wants to move me to his state, but my family isn’t supportive, so I would like an outside opinion. – CONTEMPLATING IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONTEMPLATING: How long have you and this 46-year-old man been romantically involved? I have concerns on several levels about what you are contemplating. First is the age difference and the balance of power in your relationship. Next is the fact that he hasn’t yet left his family or even filed for divorce. Many men promise to leave their wives but never do. Divorces can drag out for years if they are contested, and his marriage has been a long one.
Slow this relationship down. I urge you not to move until he’s free to marry, you have a job and are able to support yourself and any children that could result from this union. Let your family get to know him. They have your best interests at heart, so resist the urge to tune them out in the name of love.
DEAR ABBY: Twice while visiting, my son and daughter-in-law have had arguments in front of me and their young children. The last one got so heated my DIL even left the room and went outside. It upset me and their oldest child greatly. My son’s father and I argued often, and we divorced long ago. They seem to think it’s OK to do this. What can I do? – STANDING BY IN TEXAS

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DEAR STANDING BY: I hope you realize that what your son is doing is modeling the behavior he grew up with. Talk to your son. Explain how this is affecting his children. Then suggest he and his wife seek marriage counseling so his marriage won’t end in divorce court, as yours did.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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