Long-distance couple wants to maintain a sexual spark

Published 8:58 am Wednesday, October 4, 2023

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DEAR ABBY: My fiancé and I are engaged to be married soon, but we live (and will continue to live) in separate cities. We are in our mid-50s with children, and it’s the second marriage for each of us.
My fiancé isn’t very verbal about his desires, but we talk with each other every day and we live together about half the time. I want to make sure he isn’t lonely and isn’t wanting more when we’re apart, but I’m not an openly sexual person, and I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable engaging in video chat intimacy with him. I have raised the topic with him. He suggested I write to you and see what you suggest. — LONG-DISTANCE WIFE-TO-BE

DEAR WIFE-TO-BE: If you both agree, I’m suggesting you and your fiancé give it a try. If you do, it may not only enhance your married life but also teach you both how to discuss what you need from each other, which could only bring you closer.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of six years has left me for my sister. I’m brokenhearted because I thought he was the love of my life. I thought the six years we had together were wonderful for both of us.
I don’t know how to continue on. My mental health is at an all-time low. Friends have tried to reach out to me, but I push them away because I no longer trust anyone. I’m afraid they, too, will hurt me. I am no longer in contact with my sister.
Should I allow my friends to comfort me, even when I have issues with them? Or should I try to heal on my own? My life is in ruins, and I can’t seem to rise up from it. – BROKEN IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR BROKEN: Friends reach out because they care about you and want to support you. Please give them a chance to do that. If you have a religious adviser, talk to that person as well. Your life may seem like it has sunk to an all-time low, but it isn’t over unless you allow it to be.
Your ex may have seemed like the love of your life, but please know you can do better. Dogs are more loyal than he was. Once you have accepted that fact, you may be able to move on. Talking to a licensed psychotherapist would be an excellent step. You CAN heal from this, but not until you make up your mind to allow it.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing you for two reasons. I am 60 years old and still a virgin. I like men, but I’m not much interested in dating. Is this normal? The second reason is, lately, I have been thinking about my mortality. I have promised myself for years that I would get a Bath and Body Works holiday package. It’s $30 with a $30 purchase, so $60. I have rolled my coins and have more than $60. I’m not a wealthy woman. What do you think? – BUCKET LIST IN THE EAST

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DEAR BUCKET LIST: Not everyone has a strong sex drive. That you are still a virgin at 60 is normal for YOU, so stop worrying about it. As to the holiday gift you would like to give yourself, I say go for it. You only live once, so splurge and cross it off your bucket list with my blessing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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