Wife’s puzzling behavior is an obstacle for couple

Published 10:07 am Wednesday, October 18, 2023

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  DEAR ABBY: I’m a lesbian. My wife and I have been married for nine years, but since COVID and my mother’s death, we have had problems. I met a man online; he’s an actor. We grew close via the internet. When my wife found out, we fought, and this man and I haven’t been as close. 

  Although we mended our relationship and I love her, I seem to always wonder. About a year ago, I got hit on by another actor on Instagram, and we also grew close until my wife found out. I stopped, but I still maintain contact with these men, and I’m not sure why. 

  I wonder if I’m happy with my wife or if it would be better with someone else. I wonder if I’m staying with her for love or for comfort. I’m not sure. I keep questioning my identity and my life. Any advice? — LACKING CERTAINTY IN CALIFORNIA

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  DEAR LACKING CERTAINTY: If you were getting everything you need from your marriage, you wouldn’t be “wondering” and reaching out to members of the opposite sex. It is important for you AND your wife that you find the answers to your very important questions. 

  Because you are unsure about the depth of your commitment to your wife as well as your identity, your next step should be to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you to someone who is qualified. Your local LGBTQ community center may also be able to help. Please don’t wait.



  DEAR ABBY: A family friend, “Simone,” makes the time we spend together unbearable. She’s married to my husband’s best friend, “Earl.” We see them often and spend many holidays together. Before Earl married Simone, we thought she was a pretty normal person and a great match for him. Over time, we have come to realize that she’s anything but. 

  Simone is loud and dramatic, and she loves to be the center of attention. One example: One day, she sat down in a chair and immediately started to panic that she could not get out of the chair due to her size (she’s overweight). My husband and other friends were taken aback because it was visibly clear that she wasn’t stuck. She demanded that someone help her get up, and it was embarrassing to watch. 

  Also, if she doesn’t get her way, she resorts to talking like a baby or making a scene. She constantly complains about being sick. It happens every time she isn’t the center of attention. My husband and I and another couple are getting fed up being around her. My husband has been best friends with Earl since they were kids, so this is a tough situation. I’d love some advice. — HARD TO BEAR IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HARD TO BEAR: Not all friendships last forever. The solution to your problem may be as simple as making yourself less available. Because your husband is on the same page as you and the other couple, it shouldn’t be too hard to start seeing Earl and Simone less often. When the men want to get together, they can do it without you. Try it, and it may bring you some relief.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)