Secrets and infidelity loom over parents of young boy

Published 8:36 am Thursday, October 26, 2023

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DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been with my boyfriend, “Trey,” for eight years. We have an 18-month-old son. When I was six months pregnant, I went through Trey’s phone and saw he was cheating on me. I was humiliated and told my best friend because I couldn’t keep it in any longer. It hurt me deeply.
I chose to forgive Trey because we were starting a family and I felt I owed it to my baby to at least try. But I constantly think about the things I saw on his phone, and I don’t trust him. If I even think about him going out somewhere without me, I get terribly anxious.
I’m not going to lie. I wasn’t a saint throughout our relationship, but when I got pregnant, I was all about Trey and our family. I love him, but I can’t seem to be happy. We are polar opposites. I’m affectionate and love my family. He’s dry and doesn’t care for my family or his. I also feel we resent each other. Sometimes, I want to break up with him so I can find someone I can trust and have peace with, but then I feel guilty.
Our son is a daddy’s boy. He loves Trey and is always asking for Daddy when his father is out or at work. It would break my heart for my son not to see him as often as he does with us living together. My parents were never together, and I always said if I had a child, I’d make sure that child had their mom and dad together. But I’m not happy with my relationship. Please give me some advice. – FAILING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FAILING: Talk to Trey. Tell him how you feel and why. Has he continued to see other women? How does he feel about the status of your relationship? How important is it to him to be front and center in his son’s life?
The two of you are not married, thank heavens, so separating would not be complicated or costly from a legal perspective. Of course, he would have to support his child financially, and so would you. You both deserve to be happy, and don’t be surprised if you learn that Trey feels the same way about your relationship.
DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter and two granddaughters, 16 and 24. I live with my daughter, her boyfriend and my younger granddaughter. My daughter and my oldest granddaughter got into a heated argument over the phone about something the boyfriend posted on social media. They are no longer speaking and have blocked each other’s phone calls.
I feel lost. We used to all three spend one Saturday a month together, go on vacations and have family dinners on holidays. How do I get over this? – MISSING IT IN MARYLAND

DEAR MISSING IT: A way to get past this would be to extend your social life beyond your immediate family. If you do, you will have more distraction and less time to brood about something that you cannot control. You can still see your older granddaughter separately if you wish, just not under the same circumstances as before until this blows over.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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