Parents upset by daughter’s opaque and dodgy love life

Published 8:29 am Wednesday, December 6, 2023

DEAR ABBY: Three days before my daughter “Ginger’s” wedding, her fiancé called to announce that he could not marry her because she’s bisexual. It’s something he knew about for a year but waited until three days before the wedding to mention.
Needless to say, my husband and I were shocked, embarrassed and devastated. We had gone to a wedding with Ginger and her fiancé the Saturday before her wedding date, and they were excited about their own wedding, talking about the home they were building and about having a baby. By the following Wednesday, it was over! She has reimbursed us for half of our expenses for the wedding.
Ginger has since been involved mostly with women who have stolen from her, treated her badly and lied to her. We no longer trust our daughter because we thought she was happily engaged, but she lied when she told us how happy she was and how great she and her fiancé got along. We cannot accept the current situation, and our relationship with her is now very strained.
We told her to live her life but not to bring these women around. Since then, she has chosen to stay away. We miss our daughter but are not willing to accept this behavior. We don’t think Ginger is even trying to gain back our trust. Please give us your best advice. – LOST IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LOST: Has it occurred to you that your daughter may be a lesbian who tried to appease you and her father by claiming to be bisexual? It is a blessing to all concerned that the wedding was canceled.
If you’re a regular reader of my column, you surely must be aware that some women have dysfunctional “manpickers.” In your daughter’s case, she’s having the same problem choosing her female partners. Rejecting her because you don’t want “those women” around is not the solution to her problem. Instead, suggest she seek counseling at the nearest LGBTQ community center so she won’t continue seeking love in all the wrong places.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I were excited to go on an $11,000 Caribbean cruise. His 22-year-old son was not that enthusiastic. We invited him to join us for dinner, shows or to play games, but the majority of the time he refused. The only time he’d join us was for events that were paid for in advance.
He called his mom, grandmother and girlfriend every night, but not once did he call his father’s mother. To me, it seems like he’s not interested in his father, grandma or me. The moment we arrived home from vacation, he bolted out the door to meet his girlfriend and slept at his mom’s house. What can I do to bring this family together? – SOCIAL DISASTER

DEAR SOCIAL DISASTER: Although at 22 your boyfriend’s son is legally an adult, he didn’t act like one on that trip. In fact, he demonstrated that he was uninterested and didn’t want to interact with his father or with you. It is nice of you to want to bring him and his dad closer, but it’s time for you to step back and let them work it out. Nothing you can do will fix this.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone – teens to seniors – is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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