Wife in unhappy marriage fantasizes about a friend

Published 8:10 am Wednesday, January 24, 2024

DEAR ABBY: I am an unhappily married woman with young children. I am attracted to a friend of mine and my husband’s, but he is also married. He’s a bit older, and I can’t tell for sure if he has feelings for me, but sometimes I suspect it. He has made me jewelry and gifts, and I’ve caught him looking at me a few times.
We have exchanged messages on social media and he often asks me questions about myself – what I like, etc. He’s just so quiet that I can’t tell if it all means anything. I could never leave my husband and break up my family, and I could never break up someone else’s family. But I’m starting to wonder and sometimes think I really am falling in love with him. What should I do? – CRUSHING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CRUSHING: Face it: You’re TAKEN. Because you could “never leave” your husband or break up someone else’s marriage, figure out what’s gone wrong in your relationship with your husband and resolve to fix it. Some sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist would be the place to start. Do it NOW.
DEAR ABBY: I am with someone who drinks and gambles and has made countless promises that have been broken. I recently checked his Facebook account, and he follows at least 12 women in their 20s, most of whom he barely knows or doesn’t know at all. Most of them are almost naked in every picture.
I told him it bothers me, but he doesn’t seem to care. I told him it is disrespectful to me as his significant other. I have also told him to think about the things he does that affect our relationship. To him, he’s doing nothing wrong; to me, he’s disrespecting me, and it’s not the only time. He has written to a few of them telling them how beautiful they are. Am I wrong? – AT A LOSS IN FLORIDA

DEAR AT A LOSS: Your gentleman friend may be a voyeur drawn to photos of random “beautiful young ladies.” It has nothing to do with respect (or the lack thereof) he has for you. He likes to LOOK! It is now time to ask yourself why you stay with someone who gambles, drinks and breaks his promises (which IS disrespectful). His voyeurism is the least of your worries.
DEAR ABBY: I went out to eat at a fancy Manhattan restaurant with some of my siblings. One of them over-ordered and ran up a huge bill. When it came time to pay, he said, “Let’s charge it to Daddy’s credit card.” Our father is well-off and probably would have been OK with it, but I objected on principle.
We ended up splitting the bill, which irritated me since my wife and I ordered much less. I can’t talk to them about it because they’ll accuse me of being cheap. What should I have done and what should I do in the future when it crops up, because it will? – MONEY-CONSCIOUS IN NEW YORK

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DEAR M-C: The next time you go to a fancy restaurant with your siblings, before the order is taken, tell the server you would like separate checks.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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