Freeloading boyfriend makes woman feel like a bad person

Published 8:25 am Tuesday, March 19, 2024

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with the same guy for almost five years. I was madly in love with him the first three years, but after I had my daughter, things slowly changed. We haven’t been intimate in a while. I had some female issues I wanted to take care of, plus I’m not physically attracted to him anymore. He makes little comments about it to make me feel bad. He doesn’t want to discuss anything, so talking to him is impossible. 

We broke up a few months ago but got back together. He moved all his stuff out, so now he makes me feel guilty, telling me he has nothing and our house doesn’t feel like his anymore. By the way, he doesn’t pay for rent or household expenses like groceries, etc. I pay for everything because he doesn’t work. Yet I have to give him money for his gambling addiction. 

I don’t want to be with him anymore. But the last time we broke up, he was terribly verbally abusive, and I don’t want to go through that again. What should I do? — INDECISIVE IN ILLINOIS

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DEAR INDECISIVE: Tell him you no longer want to be his sugar mama; he will have to find someone else to feed him and finance his gambling addiction. Do NOT do it while the two of you are alone. Make sure to have several friends or relatives with you for moral support and to help him collect whatever things he has at your place. If you do, it may curb his verbal abuse. After that, change the locks on your doors and do not admit him to the house again. If he forces his way in, summon the police. If you don’t rid yourself of him, he will suck you dry. 



DEAR ABBY: My in-laws live 90 minutes away, so when they visit, they usually stay with us for a night or two. I don’t mind hosting them. They are delightful people, and we always have a good time. However, now that they’re getting older, I’m wondering what the etiquette is for sleeping arrangements. 

We don’t have a guest bedroom, so they sleep on a pullout sofa with a pillow topper. While they’ve never mentioned it, I know it’s not all that comfy, and I know they have some age-related aches and pains. When my grandparents stayed with us when I was a kid, they usually slept in my sister’s double bed, and she slept on the floor in the room I shared with my other sister. 

Would offering my in-laws my son’s double bed be a good idea going forward? (Something about offering the master bedroom seems weird.) I’m fortunate to have great in-laws and would like to do right by them. It’s just a night or two, after all. What would you recommend I do? — COMFORT CREATURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR COMFORT CREATURE: Ask your in-laws whether they would be more comfortable if you changed their sleeping arrangements. If they say yes, have a chat with your son, explain the problem and tell him you want him to sleep on the pullout sofa bed when his grandparents are visiting.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.