Workplace crush leaves woman struggling to move forward

Published 8:14 am Wednesday, May 1, 2024

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DEAR ABBY: I am a lesbian who recently experienced heartbreak by falling in love with my mentor and boss. I didn’t want it to happen, but it did. The time we spent together was a balance of bliss and fear. My heart and soul feel that she feels the same way about me. I left my job because my feelings for her became so overwhelming, I could no longer cope. 

She knows how I feel about her, and she has shown interest in me in the past. She is not gay, but I do know of straight women who have fallen in love with one woman in their lives. We have a 15-year age difference. That doesn’t matter to me. I’m absolutely crazy about her. I dream about our Victorian home together and a beautiful garden and life. I want nothing else but to make her happy for the rest of her life, make her breakfast every morning and beautiful dinners every night.

We are no longer communicating, upon her request. I want to heal my heart and live my life. It’s so hard to let go of her, but I know I should. On the other hand, something tells me I should wait for her. How can I move forward and find the love I deserve in this life? – CRUSHED IN CALIFORNIA

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DEAR CRUSHED: If you really want to find the love you know you deserve, then you are going to have to find someone who is ready and willing to provide it. This person is not. She was interested in you only as a friend and an employee. Asking you to stop communicating with her was a strong message. 

It may take time and even psychological counseling to help you disengage from your fantasy of an idealized life with this woman. But for the sake of your sanity, it’s important that you try.


DEAR ABBY: My son got his girlfriend pregnant. She already has a 7-year-old by another man. Her mother kicked her and the baby out right after the baby was born. She had no other place to go, so I had her, her child and my grandbaby stay with my husband and me. What a big mistake that was! 

All we asked of her was to clean up a little bit around the house. She lives here rent-free. She buys her food and will cook sometimes for herself and her children, but she leaves the pots and pans and dishes for me to do. She won’t lift a finger to do any other household chores. She works only part time, and I watch both kids when my son can’t. Am I wrong to be angry that she won’t help out? – DOING IT ALL IN PENNSYLVANIA


DEAR DOING IT: I’m glad you asked. This appears to be an example of “no good deed goes unpunished.” That said, you are wrong to be angry at your son’s girlfriend. You should be angry at yourself for tolerating her selfish behavior. 

She AND YOUR SON should be working toward being independent. They are a family now. Lay down the law to your son and this young woman. Tell them EXACTLY what you expect of both of them – and that if they don’t comply, they will have to make other living arrangements. Then enforce the rules. If you do, you will be doing all of you a favor.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable – and most frequently requested – poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby – Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)